In the few years on earth I never underestimated the importance of friendship. As human relations go it is right up there on top with family. Friends are like carriages on a train, each inexorably linked to the other and going in the same direction.
We undervalue and take it for granted not realizing that it is a grievous loss. And because of our carelessness a carriage occasionally gets shunted off the train.
Have you ever outgrown a friend? It is a great tragedy and one that hurts but it happens.
Like you were inseparable and then there was a time gap and now you meet again and it’s like leftover pudding, all cold and clammy.
And out of courtesy to the past you try to re-ignite that togetherness but you might as well be lighting the matchstick in the wind because there is no kindling there to capture the flame.
It has gone.
And that is a mystery I have never been able to solve. I guess that is the advantage of not having too many friends. I could count mine on both hands, and they have, by and large, hung in there by the skin of their teeth and if we could meet it would be magical because we could pick up the strings and run with them.
But once in a way in school and college I have had this dismaying experience of crossing paths with someone who was close and making that absurd arrangement to meet up and try and yank back the passage of time but it is a disaster and I wonder why we couldn’t have just made a lot of noise and hugged and slapped each other’s backs and exclaimed how super it was instead of getting all snarled up in the knots of a history that is irrelevant and heated by fake warmth.
I remember returning from college and some of us in those few years had gone onto different routes and there was nothing in common anymore.
When it becomes worse is when we descend upon each other and invade the home and then the initial excitement turns to mud the first evening itself when you figure out with ultra HD clarity that you are not the same people anymore and this pretence is torturous.
Wish we had the courage to walk away and not carry on the charade. Both sides would be happy and relieved because the other person is suffering as much as you are.
I would rather be known as a lone wolf (which I was) than be saddled with faux friends.
People tell me that this is because they were not real friends in the first place. Claptrap. They were the closest people to you. It is just the time, place and life has changed. When you were friends you were very good friends and I never apologise for that. We shared experiences, problems, were there for each other and had each other’s support. We laughed and we cried and we cared enough.
I am also sorry the magic faded. It happens.
But no need to lament the loss at the expense of the good times.