And the book is out

And so the faithful came. Over 100 friends,relatives,neighbours,former teachers and media gathered at the India Club on Oct 24 to witness and participate in the release of the book about me. Saw my mother and father stand on the stage and present the first copy to the Acting Consul General of India Mrs Sumathi Vasudeva whose touching speech moved everyone visibly. She too has suffered a grievous loss of a grown child who was also 21, and shared with grace and dignity her own experience. The title of the book Saturday the Sun went down resonated with her because her tragedy too happened on that day of the week.

I was there in spirit and was delighted to see Nargish  Khambatta and Nina Kataky,two top drawer educationists along with maths whizz Herman Gomes. Iconic business tycoons like Vasu Shroff and Ram Buxani added a certain zest to the proceedings while Dubai’s most famous photographer  and historical recorder Ramesh Shukla also made an appearance.

It was wonderful to see Mohit’s  friend Anusha making it to the evening.

Friendly faces,men and women who cared enough, to share a slice of closure with my mother and father.Through the mist in his eyes I saw my dad walk taller and straighter for the first time in two long years.

As for my mother what a woman.They did a reading from the book referring to Erin Brokovich and her fight against corporate contamination. In her own way my mother has been as resolute and unwavering in her desire to caution parents of the risk of campus  prescriptions and their menace.

She hasn’t won the war yet but in the 21 years I knew her it was this detetmination that most impressed.She is a fighter and even Dad knows she won’t let go.

Wish my sister Vidhi had made it but it wasn’t possible so please do send her the tape.

I may not be there but she will be warmed to see I haven’t been forgotten.

Oh yes and thanks for making it a relatively no speech affair and keeping it light with wine and cheese and some good conversation.

I hope people read the book and get the message.These are your kids,wake up notice the difference,look out for the warning signs,get the facts and keep up with New Research and Current Inittiative, and do something about it.

We are so far under water drowning that we cannot call out to anyone for help so it is your duty since now you are warned about the warning signs to reach out to a loved one.By being informed and sharing what you know you could save someone’s life.

PRESCRIPTION FOR SAFETY

While there may be a little inconvenience in the beginning and people on prescription meds may need to adjust the new UAE rules on bringing in stuff are longterm sensible.

Prescriptions mean nothing. Up until now that was a piece of paper taken on trust but now even this document  comes under scrutiny because it is these prescription meds that are the most sinister.

Some doctor gives you the ‘calmer’ the ‘sleeper’ the anxiety crusher,the anti depressive,the upper and the downer and you are soon reduced to a creature of habit,dependent on pills and capsules. One day you cannot access them and gloom descends,thick and forbidding and totally overwhelming,holding you at ransom.

Now you cannot sleep.The pain spikes. Anxiety,like an angry sea boils within and depression sits like a stone in your head.

My kingdom for a pill,just one.

How are this tribe any less hooked than a junkie? Just because you didnt get your fix in some sleazy tunnel or tenement but were given it by a pharmacist in a white coat with a bill doesn’t mean you are safe. Yes,of course it is easy to be beguiled because these are not wrapped in dirty little bags exchanged  surreptitiousy by some dealer.These come in silver strips and little pretty bottles and have you in thrall.

I should know.Been there done that. And thr havoc it played with my synapses and my senses,all of it wrapped in mentor concern.

Look at the price I paid in the end.

Just a medical student trying his best to learn, to seek and not to yield. Not finding enough hours in the day to combat the workload and converting sleep into a luxury,give me a pill.

So from me to all of you let me tell you they got it right in the UAE. They will monitor the meds and more luck to them.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE

Thank goodness they are making the launch of the book an event that is light and pleasant and offering a little wine and song. That is so much more reflective of me as a person than some maudlin and sentimental wake which would make people uncomfortable and awkward. They would then have to stand around wondering why they came.

Much rather this occasion was like an art show with some crisp conversation, a positive reading or two of the book and in all a pleasant evening whether they buy the book or not.

Thanks so much mum and dad for not making it morbid.

I did a fair amount in my 21 years on earth. I read,I thought and I spoke…of things that angered me and needed attention. Like the sting of racism,the rage and helplessness of poverty and social injustice, the agony of hunger, the scourge of disease and perhaps most disheartening the perfidy of mankind.

 

I saw a lot of that. The ease with which we let each other down,the deceit and the betrayal, the broken promises,the bullying and the carping, the false friendships built on slippery slopes of expediency,all of us using each other as we hurtle towards the inevitable end.

 

Yes indeed I saw a lot in those few years. Any regrets? Yes,of course. That thanks to the pharmaceutical brainwash dressed up in robes of concern I let go of the rope so soon, long before I was able to do anything concrete about the things that bothered me.

If I had not been a victim that morning to a turmoil within that I never understood, a torrent of cataclysmic confusion over which there was no control,like a non swimmer in a rushing river just giving in,not giving up…I believe as a doctor I would have made some tangible contribution to what one can best call the greater good.

 

If this book can speak for me and project to you who I am and what I stand for and in doing so caution each parent,every teacher,every student to come together and talk,discuss and confront the menace of legal drugs being so freely prescribed on campus there will be a benediction. It must be done and done now.

Very nice!  I think it’s perfect!  Love it!

 

The Freudian Slip

So the book is being launched in dubai and then later in major Indian cities. Mom has called it Saturday the sun went down. Hmmmm, it  has a certain rhythm to it and it does refer to the day in the week I decided to take that horrendous step.

 

There you are you have the Freudian slip in all its glory. In all honesty I did not decide anything.it was decided for me. Herein lies the rub. It so easily slides off the tongue…I  decided!!! No way. Think about it. I was 21, well on my way to getting a coveted degree in the medical line, enjoying warm and affectionate family ties, wanting for nothing really. And I loved life. Books, music, food, wars over the the issues of our times, racism, social injustice, poverty, hunger, conditions that demanded a war and I was a frontline warrior.

 

My whole argument has been that the decision is taken out of our hands. That’s the whole thrust of my stance and the working title of the book “Murder by Medicine” was a lot more on the target. I think Mom decided against it because it was too provocative, and could not only expose her to legal wrangles, but also scare readers away. From tragedy it would move into the realm of accusation and I imagine she didn’t want that. Also, the element of protectionism is also there. My lovely sis Vidhi, is also doing meds and she doesn’t need the hassle.

 

Guess no one can do anything to me now that I am not there so what the hell, time to bite the bullet. Tell it like I see it. Those damn pills supposed to calm the stress, reduce the pressure, they might do that in capsule (ha,ha that is a cruel play on the word) but with that questionable agony comes the agony. You lose control like there was this giant had at your back, propelling you forward over the cliff and like with the siren’s call you just go with I,t even as part of you says, stop, this is not done.

 

Thousands of young people deluded into believing that they are not adequately armed to complete a strenuous course without the crutch of drugs. Yes, let me say it. These are not placebos or comforters, these are legalized narcotics that play havoc with your mind.

 

And because as you become more dependent and the confusion that broils within and creates this mental fugue turns supreme you learn the tricks of how to cover your tracks. When there are still clear patches in the head and you can think straight and the con game being played on you is beguiling you into a sense of mesmerizing captivity you think you have found the miracle. So you quickly pick up, how to hide the dependence. With isolation, pretence, deceit, anger, create a wall between you and loved ones, so they notice the difference but dare not ask.

 

At the same time you also learn very quickly how to conceal the dosage. The pills in the inside pocket of the duffel bag, in a pair of shoes, a secret cavity, the back of the drawer, the cliched sock.

 

And then you hire two good lieutenants called Exasperation and Impatience to keep the curious away. But more about that later.

AND THE BOOK IS OUT

Mohit with his friends at C0lumbia University NewYork

I guess sometime soon there is this book coming out about my 21 years on earth and what I was all about.

 

What do you know…it is today. Published and printed, hot off the press.

 

I know my Mom has worked pretty hard on it these past two years and it pains me that I went and did what I did to cause my parents and my sister so much grief. That was never the intention. My love was unqualified and I was a gentle guy, not given to drama or theatrics. In fact, if any of my friends were to categorise me they would say, oh, Mohit, nice chap, private, quiet, well behave and smart.

 

So then, if I was all these things why did I shuffle off the mortal coil like Shakespeare said. What prompted me to be so sensational as to prematurely end my life.

 

Look at it this way. In retrospect as I see my family devastated and trying to wring some sense out of the tragedy I can safely say I had nothing to do with it. Really, that Saturday morning I was a bystander to my own end. I had no role in it. It was as if an invisible hand was moving me towards that sliding door and the balcony. The mess in my mind and the way we young students are often cajoled and coerced into these pharmaceutical regimes to give us the energy to get through the mountain of studies is an issue few people wish to grasp because it is a stinging nettle and it is better to pretend it will go away if we do not recognize it.

 

For that I have to give my mother huge credit. Like a terrier with a bone she does not let go. From that day when she lost me and a part of herself forever she has gone on this unremitting crusade to warn other people and tell them to check out their young kids especially in pressure cooker courses like medicines.

 

She has researched the pharma conspiracy with single-minded dedication and tried to bridge the yawning gap in credibility that exists between the ease with which one can legally access these toxic mind changing drugs and the ability of parents to suss it out when they meet their radically reworked children on vacation or visit.

 

To that extent Sheetal Devki Mulani, my mother, has used my loss to great advantage in that if through this book which she camouflages as a tribute to her son she also sends out a clear message to thousands of parents bewildered by the rules of this brutal attack on their offspring under the garb of concern. If she can wake one parent and have that parent stop the rot and say, wait a minute what are you feeding my semi adult children and why are we not party to this on campus conspiracy, yes we notice the changed conduct and yes, we want to know why, her work will have been successful.

 

Read the book. It smacks of an honesty and a mother’s love, a son who never intended to hurt her or his dad or his sister and a truth that has to be faced. Too many young children on too many campuses are being drugged into submission and no one wants to talk about it.

 

I haven’t yet finished this subject. For now, mother dearest bless you for taking up the cause. I know I didn’t go in vain.